I’m feeling punny today (yes, punny – not funny) which is how I came to title this post She’s Not So Filtered – An Honest Life Update. I hope other people get it and this isn’t another one of those scenario’s where I’m the only one who understands what I’m trying to say. That happens a lot. It’s a play on my blog’s name people!!! Because I’m about to be unfiltered! Seriously, sometimes I feel like I speak a different language.
Anywhoooo. This post is titled She’s Not So Filtered because instead of bringing you a perfectly curated post about something that could be super useful in your life, I’m just gonna
keep it real for a hot minute be unfiltered in this post and probably ramble a lot.
I never really do life update posts because they say that in order to have a successful blog you have to add value to your readers. I don’t know who ‘they’ are FYI but like… they’ve kinda got a point! Writing a blog post about popping 8000 year old champagne in da club, running into Lady Gaga at the Gucci store, and eating 14 donuts but still not being able to gain any weight just doesn’t add any value to anyone (not even me!!) so I feel like shouldn’t post about those kinds of things, ya know? Also, none of that is true. It’s all 100% a lie. So I guess that’s another reason to not post about all that stuff. Butttt…
Here’s what’s honestly going on:
I’m depressed. Like really depressed. I’ve been working closely with a team of therapists but I just have so much stuff to work through and I haven’t really gotten any better yet. I own a business that I had to stop running back in June because I literally just couldn’t function enough to keep it going. I swear to you, the only way I can describe it, is it feels like my brain turned off and I can’t figure out how to turn it back on. I originally planned to take a month off but here we are almost 4 months later, still not working. Thank god for a savings account, amiright?!
Next week I’m going away to an inpatient therapy retreat thing so I’m not going to be around for a couple weeks. I know I don’t owe anyone an update and I’m not writing about this for sympathy and I also totally realize no one would notice if I don’t post for a couple weeks. Like I said – I’m depressed, not a narcissist!
It’s just that I
talk write about depression and being sad a lot but I also joke a lot so I kind of had an aha moment that people out there who read my blog but don’t know me IRL, may not realize just how depressed I really am. And that I really do know what it’s like to not want to wake up tomorrow. And like, I talk about wanting to build a community of other women who are not so basic but how can that happen if I’m not totally real about myself?
I’ve been in this super deep depression for the past 5 months or so and for years before that, just an average depression. An average depression lol. Anyways. This super deep depression just knocked me off my feet and left me super numb and struggling to pull myself back up. I honestly never thought it was possible to not feel anything but that’s where I’m at. Kind of. I teeter-tot from numb to sad to numb to angry back to sad to numb again and like… I literally don’t enjoy anything anymore. Not cheeseburgers… Not GIF’s of puppies and not even new shoes. It’s confusing, frustrating, and exhausting all at once.
So I guess I just wanted to touch base with you guys on a more personal level. I know that talking about depression and being super sad isn’t always fun but like… it’s a real part of life for some people. And now the organized-businesswomen-blogger in me is trying to find a useful, well-rounded way to end this part of the blog post while bringing value to your lives but I’m not gonna do it. I’m just going to leave it at this:
If you’re struggling, please reach out to me. I answer my emails and my social media DM’s. Even if I can’t help you personally, I can help you find the help you might need. Or maybe you just wanna feel less lonely. I’m totally around for that too. I may not be great virtual company and I don’t always know what to say but I’m a super great listener!
Okay, moving on.
What to Look Forward To on She’s Not So Basic
As I said, I’m gonna be out for a couple weeks but I’ll still have my phone and computer so I’ll post on social media here and there I’m sure but as far as publishing blog posts… not so much. So, here’s what to look forward to when I get back:
- Before I leave I’m going to be doing a HUUUGGEEEE shopping haul in Salt Lake City (I’m purposely flying to my treatment place from Salt Lake so I can go shopping first because there’s no where affordable to shop here in Aspen). So when I get back there will be lots of new shopping inspo and style advice on the blog.
- A month or so ago I cleared out my entire closet and mentioned that I will be selling it all and donating the proceeds to the Aspen Hope Center. Because I got a lot of emails asking if I’d hold specific pieces for people, I decided to do a limited access sale for the first couple days before opening it up to everyone. So if you’ve seen something on the blog or my Instagram that you really like, make sure to sign up for the sale.
- If you’ve been reading the blog for a while now, I’m sure you’ve noticed that the content has shifted from purely style to some style with lots of finding happiness and stuff like that. I know for sure that the treatment center I’m going to is only the beginning of my healing journey. With that being said, I think you can expect a lot of self love, finding your purpose, redefining your self worth, mindful living kind of stuff moving forward. Also, I don’t know if you guys know this but I’ve struggled with eating and body image issues for a long time as well. Me being as small as I am today is a new post-catching-the-depression-bug thing. I had liposuction a year and a half ago and then once I got really depressed I lost another 20 pounds or so. I think I’d like to start talking more about body image and eating issues here on the blog. I’d like to think most women out there can somewhat relate but I’m honestly just not too sure. If that’s something you’d like to read more about, I’d love it if you’d drop a comment or send me an email letting me know!
And that’s about all I’ve got for you today! I might get one more post published before I leave next week but just in case I don’t make sure to sign up to my newsletter to stay updated (at the bottom of the post or the side bar) and here are some of my top posts that you may have missed: