I was writing about maxi dresses
Or at least trying to write about them. I started working on a post about maxi dresses that was going in a totally different direction than where we are headed now. I was gonna tell a funny story about my first maxi dress and then share 10 reasons to love maxi dresses. Buuttttttt I am so. not. feeling it this week. I’m not feeling funny. I don’t feel like telling a story. I just want to sit on the couch in the same pjs I’ve been wearing since
Monday, fine – Saturday, and do absolutely nothing but Netflix and snack. Quick side note, why isn’t #NetflixAndSnack a thing?
TBH, after I started working on my maxi dress post I felt like such a fraud. I was trying so hard to write this funny and lighthearted post that just felt SO FAKE. Nothing I wrote was right. I almost didn’t publish a post at all this week.
What’s the harm in skipping, right? I’m feeling blue so I’ll recoil (<<- my go-to move). Deviate from the blog schedule and keep my sadness to myself… come back out when I’m feeling better. Sounds like a game plan to me! But I made a commitment with this blog and I intend to follow through! I made a commitment to be my real, raw, and unapologetic self so here we go.
If you’ve read this you know I don’t speak to either of my parents. I don’t talk about it much. Mostly because I don’t understand how I feel about it and partly because it just feels weird to talk about when I’m trying to say… tell you 10 reasons to love a maxi dress. But it also kind of feels like a lie to share a fun, lighthearted post when I’m really not feeling that at all.
I haven’t admitted this out loud but Mother’s Day hurts my heart. And the thing is, I can’t be the only one who struggles when Mother’s Day is creeping up on us. Or maybe I am. I don’t know for sure. But what I do know is I should probably talk about it. If not for me, for someone else who also might be having a hard time.
S0 take a deep breath because I’m going in deep today.
Loss – /lôs,läs/ – noun – the state or feeling of grief when deprived of someone or something of value.
I’m not really sure what is more painful… losing someone to death or losing someone to life. Of course they both hurt, but I think the pains are different.
On one hand, when you lose someone to death, you literally have no choice. They are gone forever. But how can you continue to move forward when someone you love is gone?
On the other hand, when you lose someone to life, you have to live your life day after day knowing the person you mourn (and probably still love) is still walking the earth. How can you continue forward knowing that they see the same sun you see when your eyes open in the morning? They watch the same moon rise before they lay their head to rest at night. They are further away and closer than ever at the exact same time.
Let’s open up, shall we?
This is my first post opening up about my life. I don’t think I’m ready for it, but I’m also not sure I’ll ever be ready for it.
I lost both of my parents to life. Mom – alcohol and drugs. Dad – money and greed. They are both still roaming this earth. We see the same sun in the morning and the same moon at night yet we haven’t seen each other in years. They haven’t seen each other in years. We are all broken.
Things weren’t always like this. We were once a family. When I was a kid my favorite thing to give my mom for Mother’s Day was a giant card. Every year I’d buy a poster board, fold it in half and make my own, better version of a Hallmark card. I wrote my mom poems about how she was the best mom in the Milky Way, but drew in a Milky way candy bar instead of actually writing ‘Milky Way’. I thought I was clever. Even though those days are long gone, they still feel as real as ever.
The Dreaded Post
Every month I like to sit down and look at what holidays are coming up so I can plan appropriate blog posts.
This month? Mother’s Day.
Almost every other fashion/beauty/lifestyle blogger’s Mother’s Day post? 10 Gifts to Get Mom under $100 (or something along those lines).
I tried to put the post together but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Putting together a list of Mother’s Day gifts broke my heart into even more pieces than it’s already in. If we’re being totally honest, I wasn’t going to write a Mother’s Day post at all until I found myself struggling to ignore the elephant in the room. Instead of a gift guide, I’ve decided to send love to those who have lost their mother too.
For the Girl who Doesn’t Have a Mother on Mother’s Day
I know how much you want a hug. A real mom hug. No other hug has felt the same since, right? I know it’s not much, but I’m hugging you as I write this post.
I know how you miss being praised. No other ‘I’m so proud of you’ could be as powerful as a mother’s, even if she’s hurt you. Just know that I’m proud of you. You and I know taking on the world without mom in your corner is hard but you’re doing it. You are so strong.
Finally, I know how lonely you may feel especially during this time of year. Everything around us is geared towards showering mom with love, but really you are the one who needs to be loved. I hope you know aren’t alone and I have enough love to share with you.
And for the girls who do have a mother in their lives on Mother’s Day, make sure your mom knows how much you love her today and every day